10 Things You Can Do To Support Survivors Of Sexual Assault.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and in honor of SAAM – here are “10 things you can do to support survivors of sexual assault”

1. Listen.  Survivors need to be heard and it’s important that we bear witness to their experience. Listen without judging and listen without fixating over what you are going to say next. Listen without freaking out over the accounting of the events of violence and abuse.  Just listen to what they have to say and allow them to be truly heard. Most people who did not report their assaults decided not to because they “thought it was not important enough” or that “no one would want to hear about it.” 
2. Believe.  End Violence Against Women International has a campaign called “Start by Believing” – and it really is that simple – you need to start by believing what the survivor tells you is true. Never question the power of actually telling a survivor you believe them. Tell them directly: “I believe you.”  This may be the only time they hear those words. A lot of survivors never report their assault because they are afraid that no one will believe them. Many survivors will have to spend their whole lives trying to convince authorities that what happened to them was real: from the police (should your friend choose to report the incident), to the court (if the case ever even gets there), and to the media (and the way it handles rape and rape victims).  They will have their account of the assault repeatedly challenged and de-legitimized throughout their life.
3. Ask how you can help.  Sometimes we may feel like we know what to do in this situation or may want to immediately seek help for the victim. We must remember that this is not about us and it is more useful to ask “What would be helpful?” instead of taking control of the situation.
4. Combat victim blaming and rape culture. Ever heard someone make a rape joke? Every heard someone blame a victim of rape because of what they were wearing or where they were? Ever heard someone use the word rape to describe beating a video game? Ever heard someone say she really wanted it or state that no means they are just playing hard to get? Challenge and confront these when they happen!  If it is your friend or relative saying these things, do not worry about hurting their feelings; let them know how this hurts survivors. Look for these teachable moments and educate them on why what they are saying is hurtful and perpetuating violence against women.
5. Confront Harmful Language. Language is used in our culture to describe women oftentimes objectifies them. Take the time to educate your community, family, and friends about how harmful this language is. The next time you hear someone using language that objectifies women confront them.
6. Debunk the myth of alcohol/medication or other substances. Alcohol, medication or ANY other drug doesn’t cause rape. Rapists cause rape!  Many people have heard victim blaming language when it comes to a victim drinking alcohol, taking sleeping pills, or using other substances before their assault.  Just because a person had something to drink or took medication does not mean the person asked for the assault to happen and nor is to blame for it.  Let them know that just because they had alcohol or other substances does not mean they deserved the assault to happen.
7. Hold Sex Offenders Accountable for their Actions. Do not let abusers make excuses for their behavior such as; blaming the victim, citing alcohol or other drugs .Our culture, the media and the criminal justice system spends a lot of time blaming the victim but doesn’t  blame the person who committed the crime.  Shift the responsibility for the crime back on to the offender, where it belongs, and away from the victim.
8. Volunteer your time and resources!  Women’s and Children’s Horizons has many opportunities to volunteer. Commit your time to improve the lives of survivors of sexual assault and make our community a safer place.  Give of your resources to insure the important work of WCH continues. There are many ways to support the work of WCH. You can give financially, in kind, or support Nifty Thrifty, our resale shop.
9. Have Conversations with Men in Your Life. Because victim blaming will not prevent rape, what needs to change is the conversations that we are having with men about all of these issues. Educating on consent and sending messages to men to be accountable for their actions and behavior shifts the focus onto them and clears away any misunderstandings that may not come out otherwise. Men need to realize the responsibility to prevent rape is on them. Talk to the men in your life about healthy relationships and consensual sex.
10. Take Care of Yourself. Sexual assault is more common and has more manifestations than we let ourselves believe or acknowledge within our society. If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, the disclosure of another friend may bring up uncomfortable feelings or reawaken trauma.  Make sure you get the support you need to be a good ally keep your own mental and emotional health in check.

Written by: CJ Figgins-Hunter, WCH Sexual Assault Coordinator